"To effect a creative recovery, we must undergo a time of mourning."
18th July, 2023 - the day I found myself embracing a thrilling new challenge. I bought myself a copy of the The Artist's Way, and promised myself to the 12 week course that the book lays out.
In case you're not familiar, "The Artist's Way" is a captivating and immersive self-help gem penned by the talented Julia Cameron. It's like a creative reset button, guiding you through an intensive process of creative rediscovery. I picked up this book after watching Apple Cheeks share her journey. Inspired and eager, I decided it was time to embark on a similar adventure of my own.
For quite some time now, I've felt this creative block weighing me down. Life seemed to fly by without offering those much-needed moments of respite - from my hectic last few days at uni, to venturing into the world of my freelance work straight away. Traditional breaks just weren't cutting it, I craved something that would ignite the spark of creativity within me again. So, here I am, ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery for the next few weeks - a chance to fix and remix my artistic soul from the ground up.
Here's to hoping that this blog serves as my personal journaling space, where I share my experience and journey with you. The ups and downs, the takeaways, the struggles. All of it. Without giving away too much of the book's process and structure, this is my way of documenting my recovery. so I hope you'll tag along :)
The very first thing I did was sign a "creative contract". Picture this: a playful (but actually very serious) oath to stick with this adventure, regardless of how intense, emotional, difficult, frustrating, exhausting it gets. It may have seemed silly at first, but that contract has become my trusty companion, serving as a delightful reminder of why I took up this artistic challenge in the first place.
The book requests that you write morning pages, the first thing you wake up and do. Its a stream of consciousness writing where you write whatever thoughts come to your head. There are no edits. What's in your head is on the paper.
The second is the weekly solo artist date. You take yourself out on one date every week, and treat yourself to an artistic adventure. As long as it serves your creative soul, it counts.
I've always been a journaler, and it has been therapeutic for me to unload my thoughts and feelings on paper. It is something that has helped my process my emotions and troubles from my days, and I have stuck to it for a long time. But theres just something about doing these morning pages that feels different. I'm pretty much brain vomiting onto the paper all of my thoughts that are passing by. But still somehow, it has helped me organise my mind. And even though I was already a journaler, the structure of morning pages did bring about a change in my mindset.
5 year old Ness would be really proud of me.
We also bought a bunch of journal stickers. Completely letting go of perfectionism, and putting on this child-like charm towards the morning pages. This practice has been so healing for my inner child. I don't really care about if the stickers look aesthetic or not, I'm just having fun.
And buying more stickers.
But oh, the first few days of this wild ride, I must admit, my words were dancing around like a bunch of crazy party animals. It felt incoherent and muddled. But guess what? It didn't take long for them to find their groove and settle into a rhythm.
I started to hold space for my emotions and stand up for myself. In the past I have put myself down about my mistakes, creative or not, may-a-times in my life, but doing this exercise pushed me to stand up in my defence, and in the conversation between me and my journal, I found myself saying, "Its okay. She's learning. And she is capable. She'll make it." (even though that still came after scolding myself a bit sometimes. But its okay. She's learning.)
These morning pages have been my secret weapon against pesky anxiety monsters. I am able to step out of the dynamic and reason with myself - explain to myself that things are okay, and I am capable of dealing with them and I am strong. One of the things that has really helped with that is the practice of affirmations, and the turning of all negative, self-limiting believes into self-assuring mantras.
It felt silly at first, repeating to myself "I am capable". Because I didn't believe it. But as the days went by, I was able show myself proof that I am in fact, very capable. (!!!) I think that is such a powerful thing to discover for yourself. And so important too.
The book made me personify that negative voice in my head. Meet "Killmonga," the silly, ugly monster of my self-limiting thoughts. And dont ask me how I got to that name. I thought of the meanest, scariest name that sounded mean and scary, and this was the first thing that popped in my head. So I'm rolling with it.
Picture him with warts and just one eye because, you know what, he can't see the beauty in things, and zero arms because he hates creating things with his... well... what would've been his hands. "he is stupid", I wrote. This activity was really satisfying to do. Seeing my fears personified, looking like an ugly monster gave me this sort of energy I did not expect. And it makes them seem slightly more easy to deal with.
Alright, now the solo artist date. Boy. This was big for me.
cheesecake & iced tea @ a Starbucks
Venturing out on solo artist dates is a rare occurrence for me, but this week, I decided to break the mould. because the book told me to. Initially, I chose a lovely little spot near my house, planning to sketch while enjoying some pizza. However, soon enough the anxiety crept in, and I ended up at a Starbucks instead. Even there, I felt nervous, constantly worried about what others might be thinking.
At first, I kept my eyes glued to the pages, not daring to look up, or even start sketching. But as time passed, I found my rhythm, gaining confidence and even sneaking peeks at the world around me. Eventually, I mustered the courage to begin, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being judged by others. Using references from a gallery visit a few days ago, I managed to ease into the process, but for sure, doubts lingered.
But you see, despite the fear and self-doubt, I'm proud of taking that first step. My inner child artist applauds me for facing the anxiety and spending time with my sketchbook. Looking back, I realize my skills weren't even as terrible as I thought in the moment. It was an empowering experience, nudging me closer to stepping outside my comfort zone. And let me tell you, my inner child artist is throwing confetti right now.
ran into this random trail on the way to Starbucks. pretty, no?
One of the most powerful exercises I did was the letter to the "editor". This seemed a little difficult to navigate, and after a lot of research I had a template. But let me tell you, i did not stick to it.
You see, I unleashed my inner storytelling genius and wrote in the third person, channeling my higher self - Ness from the future, perhaps. She's woman who has figured it out, and isn't held back by her own thoughts. It was like an epic defence of everything I've been through - the good, the bad, and the hilariously messy. Y'all. I cannot tell you how incredible this letter turned out to be for me.
I didn't try to sugarcoat my mistakes or over-explain them. Instead, I tapped into my courage and requested a bit of softness from the "editor" as they peered into my life's adventures. After all, I've braved some tough times, and a little compassion wouldn't hurt. That was an important thing for me to accept.
Too often I've been too hard on myself, doubting my capabilities and fearing the spotlight, beaten myself over the fact that I'm not at a certain place in life, I haven't achieved something or that I'm not even capable of getting there. I've felt too scared of getting big, taking up space. But writing this letter helped me gain a different perspective, take a stand for younger Ness who wasn't able to do that for herself, for reasons that were out of her control. That it wasn't the path she was meant to take.
And obviously, we went all in and put these lovely letters in the mail. This was in fact, the cherry on top. Postage stamps, letter box, we did it all.
And that was my first week of The Artist's Way. A rollercoaster of emotions for sure. This week showed me the real demons that try to scare my creativity away. It taught me to defend myself. Anxiety may try to play its tricks, but I'm learning to show it who's boss. That's me.
I haven't been with this book to long yet, but its a treasure on my shelf already. I am really excited to see the adventures that await me, the rest of the journey that the lovely Julia Cameron has mapped out for us, and obviously, you are coming along with me.
I'll tell you how week 2 goes! Talk soon okay? You're doing great <3
lots of love, ness
#theartistsway #artistdate #artchaallenge #juliacameron #snailmail #sketching #journaling #artjournal #sketchbook #illustration
2019 was a good year for young Ness; there was a lot of experimenting with art and art materials, art styles and subjects. This painting was one such experiment, and dare I say, my favourite one. It will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm excited to tell you why!
I had spent all of October 2019 working on the Inkotober prompt list, and for a whole month my art was mostly pen and ink. As much as I loved the entire process of Inktober 2019, it was a little too much black and white. And grey.
I was really itching to do something with colour, and I wanted to make something the complete opposite aesthetic of my Inktober sketches. I wanted warm colours, brown tones, soft lines, a simplified art style and something that I didn't get off a prompt list.
When I sat down to work on fulfilling this vision, I was not expecting an idea to come to me so quickly. But, as I put my pencil to the paper, I knew almost immediately that I wanted to make a nice, quaint room in the attic of a house that belonged to an artsy-fartsy, whimsical kid (who likes her surroundings a little messy). It was a vision of a warm and cozy workspace that I dreamed of at that time, and frankly still do.
When I started the ideation, there was something about those characteristic inclined attic walls that really sparked some inspiration. I wanted to work with a window of some kind, preferably of the inclined wall, because I really wanted to make a ledge by the window. I knew I wanted the entire room to be wooden panels- the floor, the wall and the ceiling.
the ideation, preliminary sketches
I knew I wanted to include a lot of little minute details in the painting that would really set the mood. I tried to imagine myself in the setting and visualize the kind of items I would want around me. I have such vivid memory of doing this- just closing my eyes and thinking about the space with every stroke I put down- What would I keep on the shelves? What would I keep on my desk? What would I keep on the dresser? I remember constantly asking myself, how do I make this place look lived in?
This entire painting is born from my imagination, I remember feeling so proud of not having used any references for anything I drew. And I think I did an admirable job bringing my idea to life.
There was a specific aesthetic I had in mind for this painting. I decided to use watercolours and a brown coloured pencil as my media of choice.
All of the final sketching was done in the warm brown colour pencil, after which I painted everything in with my watercolours, and then went back in for an outline, and some subtle shading on everything with the brown coloured pencil again.
the sketch before I began painting
I knew I wanted a very brown, warm colour scheme, so with every colour that I mixed in my watercolour set I made sure to always add a little bit of brown to it. I did wonder if I needed to do that with every colour that I mixed, but I realised that that was important if I wanted a cohesive colour scheme.
the colour scheme I went with
Since the colours are so specific in this painting, adding that little bit of brown everywhere was quite important. I even had an extra tube of brown watercolour ready if I ran out. But as I used it I realised I really liked the colour of this extra tube, more than the brown that was in my watercolour set, so I just used that for the brown in the whole painting instead.
I love literally everything about this illustration. But there's a few easily overlooked details that make me giggle with joy. Let me tell what those are!
the 'NP' taped to the wall
I picked up a bit of an obsession from making the Inktober sketches. I would to try to put my signature from that time in my sketches, instead of away on the bottom or the side- making it a part of the illustration. My favourite way to do that was putting it on a piece of paper or a post it note in the setting of the sketch. I loved when I was able to make my signature a part of the atmosphere.
I tried to include that in this painting as well, and I especially love the little pieces of washi tape holding up the paper to the wall. I thought it was a nice touch to the painting, and it really added to the the "lived in" feel.
the other pieces of paper
I tried to put a bit of myself in the painting in any way I could. I have pieces of paper and art hanging on the walls and stuck on things all over my room. I imagined that the person living in this room would keep mementos from her life and the people around her in close proximity, so she could see them everyday and be inspired. I try to do that with all the memories I have in my home too~
the 2019 calendar peeking through
I also wanted to include the year I drew this in, it was kind of a big deal for me, creating something like this completely from scratch. So I wanted to make sure to somehow pay homage to my nearly "milestone moment". I decided to put the year on a calendar hanging on the side of the desk. It seems so simple to think about now after all these years, but I remember feeling so giddy about including this little detail.
the crease in the carpet
As I was sketching in all the elements of this
drawing, I kept thinking about what more I could include to make the space look more organic. I pondered over the fact the a person who's always on the go, trying to capture the beauty around her through her art may possibly not have the time to straighten out a little unkempt carpet at the door.
So, I decided to give the entryway rug a little crease. I think this adds so much story and depth to tthe painting, I really do love this detail.
And there it is, my pride and joy. I had some issues figuring out the perspective of the whole layout, and you can probably even tell the faulty perspective of the desk on the bottom right, but I just imagine the desk being a little askew because the person living in this room probably likes having a little asymmetry, a little character to pieces of furniture.
By now, its probably no secret that I am really in love with this painting. And I love it for reasons beyond it just being a "good illustration". Every time I look at this illustration I can't help but feel the atmosphere it creates, I can't help but think of the story behind every little item that I have drawn. The details create a sense of realness and existence that I've rarely been able to recreate in my art after this.
It is a constant reminder of my skill and potential, and it gives me so much joy looking back and knowing that I am in fact capable of creating this kind of art. I do a lot of painting from references and still life studies, but creating something entirely from my head has always been a challenge for me. But I am so proud of young Ness to having taken the time out to iron out all the little details, and use her lines with purpose.
I hope this illustration inspired you in some way too. I hope you take a little bit of my joy and put it into your art, and create something you're so proud of. I'd love to know if you've ever had this kind of experience- some kind of art piece that you made that was completely unlike what you do normally. I think we can all give yourselves a little shoutout.
Can't wait to hear from you!
love, ness
Okay. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but this sketch is genuinely one of my proudest moments. And in this blog, I'm going to try and share with you a bit of my process, and how this sketch came about.
the inspiration
I made this sketch during April of 2019. This was the time where my art was mostly pencil shading, and I experimented very little with new mediums.
I had just finished re-watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine for the fifth time, and I needed some way to express my obsession. While watching the show I realised how much I liked Andy Samberg as an actor, so it was really no question about what I was going to sketch. Back then, I did a lot of fan art, and my art looked very different. I mostly made pencil sketches using references, and I really enjoyed shading and practising realism. And obviously, this sketch was no different.
the reference
This is the image I used as my reference for this sketch. Initially, I was drawn to it because of the lovely colours, but evidently my sketch was going to be in black and white so the colours wouldn't have shown through. But, I just went with my gut and stuck to this image because I had a calling for it. There was just something so unique about it, I felt. It's a lovely headshot.
the tools
This sketch was made using the most basic tools. At this point, I had just started out with art as an everyday thing in my life, so I really didn't have the "fancy" tools. My art involved using toilet paper, ear buds/Q-tips and my fingers to do the bulk of the shading. I did not own blending stumps, or fancy erasers to help with highlights, or even any shading pencils, so I just used what I had, and created a sort of beginners toolkit for myself- I used a cheap sketchbook from my local supermarket, with pages not really meant for heavy shading, an HB clicky pencil, a few ear buds, a cheap charcoal pencil, a compass, some tissue paper and a chopped up school eraser.
Thinking about this really does humble me. Creating art with the most basic tools, it truly is something. I like to remember this time in my life, where I was just starting my art journey to where I am today, and the things that helped me get there.
what I think about this drawing
It always makes me happy looking at this sketch. I'm quite proud of having captured the likeness, and the littlest details. The creases on the face, the strands of hair, the few small moles, and the folds on the shirt. I can't help but appreciate the attention to detail that younger me had for her art.
I had used the grid method to create the outline for this sketch. I had just learnt about this technique and I was putting it to use wherever I could. It was really interesting trying to break up the entire image into tiny little squares, and focus on the shapes that they created. I had to train my brain to not think of the image as a whole, but hundereds of tiny images put together. I think I got pretty close to what the reference image actually is. Although, even after all this time, I still catch some differences in some small areas to this day and it does bother me for a second, I try to focus on my achievement, rather than picking at the details my 18 year old self may have missed. I'm really proud of her.
I had actually learned another technique before making this sketch. It was about using a sharp object to create indentations in the paper, and going over that with your pencil to get fine highlights, like the ones in the hair. I was so excited about being able to do this. It somehow made me feel like a professional. I used a compass to create little strokes where I wanted the highlights, and filled in the rest with a charcoal pencil do get that deep black of the hair.
I really struggle with creating hair in my artwork, but trying out this technique gave me a little more confidence. It made creating hair a little less intimidating. It may have not been the finest of jobs here, I certainly feel i could have used a little more refining, but I think it turned out pretty good regardless.
I also tried this on the eyes and the eyebrows. They didn't end up looking exactly like the reference, but I think I did a really good job for what it is. I believe I was able to capture the light and shadow really well with this particular section. The slight discolouration around the yes, and the under-eye area really does show through.
Sometimes when I look too closely at it, the shading does seem a little amateurish to me. I didn't really have the concept of highlights, and mid-tones and shadows... and I think that lack of knowledge about depth really shows through in my sketches during this time. My shading here mostly includes using the white of the paper as a "mid-tone" and just building on top of that. I do have a deeper understanding of this topic now, and I make a conscious effort to deal with the lack of depth in some of my art.
I am however, extremely pleased with the way I did the lips. The smile lines, the tiny wrinkles, the texture of the lips, the way the skin is around the lips and all the different changes in tone- I have no complaints here. I really did kill it in this department. I think I did good at capturing the subtlety of the expression, and the softness of the smile.
Keeping in theme with the absence of effective depth in my shading, I feel I could have done a better job with the clothes. I can feel the uncertainty I had with shading this section, especially with the finishing in the edges of the shirt. It's almost like I did not know how to end the sketch? Or create the borders of the sketch? As if I was unsure of how the subject sits separate from the background, as something 3D. I feel I lacked the skill to depict the roundness of the shoulders in front of a background, and perhaps I could have done a better job with a little more care to that area.
I am quite impressed with my ability here with representing folds in the fabric. I still struggle with this today, but it's nice to know that I was sort of able to grasp the concept 3 years ago.
I love how I was able to show all the different planes in the fabric and its folds. I think I did great at creating a sense of the material of the shirt and the over-shirt. I was able to make the inner shirt look thin and flowy with my shading, and make the jumper on top look a little heavier, especially with the detailing of the stitching and the shading at the collar.
Overall, I see this sketch as one of the turning points in my art. I am very grateful for all the learning that this sketch brought for me, along with a few others, that helped me reach where I am today. I believe I was able to really have an appreciation for my skill and talent through this sketch.
