BATTLING BLOCK & BUILDING BEGINNINGS | THE ARTIST'S WAY WEEK SEVEN

“We are the instruments more than the author of our work.”

More often than id like to admit, I have this weird feeling stirring up inside my chest that reminds me that the hardest thing for me to do is to just start things. Especially now, working as a freelancer and finding my own way in the world, I feel this almost threatening voice telling me “Yo. You can’t do it.”

This voice keeps me from beginning projects, makes me put them off for months, or even prevents me from thinking about them because they seem so daunting. And these fears might sound trivial to you—cleaning my closet, decluttering my art supplies cupboard, writing this very blog post—but my reaction is always the same: if I start now, I will fail. If I start now, I won’t do a good enough job. If I start now, I will be judged for how poorly I’m doing. If I start now, I won’t be able to commit to it.

I feel this chapter tapped into that very feeling - doubting yourself. Dealing with “perfectionism”. Not trusting the universe enough that you have all the resources you need to begin.

“Learn to accept the possibility that the universe is helping you with

what you are doing.”

This is a sentiment I often struggle with. When things are going so wrong, how do you build this trust in the universe that it is in fact in support of your dream? I find that the best way that helped me is to remind myself constantly that it is trying to get me to my dream. But maybe I need to learn something before I get there. Something unexpected that’s happening in this situation is what will get me to me dream, even though it feels really doubtful that “what I seek is seeking me too”. Even if something is going wrong, it is for me learn something important that will ultimately get me to my dream. 

A few weeks before moving into my new studio last year, I felt overwhelmed. My art supplies were spilling out of the cupboard, my paintings took over my living space, and my bed became a drying station. My bedroom, my sanctuary, was turning into a chaotic workspace. I longed for an art studio, spent months dreaming about it, making Pinterest boards, and writing journal entries. But as time passed, the dream seemed to slip further away. I wasn’t earning enough to afford rent, didn’t have enough furniture, and hadn’t even shortlisted a space. It all felt so distant and difficult.

Then I started this chapter and read one line that changed everything:

“Expect the universe to support your dream. It will.”

I asked myself then, what in this situation do I need to learn from? What is happening here that will pave the way to my dream? What is this trying to show me?

I learnt that I longed for a separation between my work and life so my work doesn’t become all consuming. I learnt that my younger self wished for a day where she had a space to work in peacefully. I learnt that perhaps instead of obsessing over how much space I don’t have and how much I am not able to work in my room I need to take a step back and just  enjoy it for what it is - a bedroom full of art and a drive for art so strong that my 4 bedroom walls were becoming too small to contain it.

I decided then that I would slow down to enjoy my work a little. Take a step back and let the universe turn its keys. Take peace in owning what I have created so far.  It felt counter productive at the time, but I didn’t really create many new things for a while and just soaked up all the beauty I had created up until now, and concentrated on helping my mum with her company. As it turns out, on one of our outings with colleagues we unexpectedly visited a vacant office space. I felt an instant connection and there it was. 3 weeks later, I was preparing for the “office-warming” of my new studio. 

Now I know that this isn’t exactly the revelation you’d expect reading the chapter, as it talks more about starting projects, but it definitely was something that resonated with me at the right time. 

With this newfound trust in the universe, I read on. The chapter made me realise that voice I mentioned earlier. The one that tells me I can’t do it. There were and still are so many things that I just havent been able to get to because Im afraid of how they will turn out.

Speaking in line with the studio itself, I put off doing a makeover for my cabinet for 6 months because I was afraid of how it will turn out and I was overwhelmed by how I will tackle the project itself. But you have to remind yourself over and over that you really will figure it out. You have to move out of the head and into action, because you’re only causing it more pain by letting it stay a dream. You have to move ahead and start working on it.

This chapter felt heavy because it's something I navigate constantly. I read affirmations, then something goes wrong, and I forget. I have to keep reminding myself that the universe wants me to succeed, and it wants you to succeed too. Trust it and just begin.

Alright, now that we’ve built trust in the universe, it was time to go out into the world and do some of the activities from the chapter. This took me a while to get to as I became occupied with moving into the studio and then shop work for my new year shop update.  But I truly feel these have been some of the most mentally rewarding tasks yet. 

One of the activities was to take yourself to a sacred space. For me that was without a doubt a library. I decided to head to our state central library, a really old building with shelves and shelves of books and a peaceful atmosphere ive only dreamt of. It felt like I was at this old university library that ive come to to take notes on really important subject. And that important subject, after much searching, turned out to be woodworking.

I spent a good 2 hrs there, disconnected from the internet and deep in my book, sketching and learning and exploring. It truly did feel like a sacred space and it was incredible.

I do not have a library close to where I live, but if I did, I would be there all the time to unwind. But until that dream is a reality, you will find me in the kids public library in my apartment looking at the illustrations of children’s books.

I love me a good smell in the house. I am a big fan of candles, fragrant foods and spices and the smells of nature. I was so excited when I read this task. I had been seeing these “diy mini simmer pots” recipes on Pinterest and somehow was waiting for someone’s permission to make one. And this task was it. 

I bought myself a ceramic fondue pot with a cute little handle that makes it look like a saucepan. I combined some of my favourite smelling ingredients to create a wonderfully warming smell in the studio. It smelt like autumn time and l=falling leaves and cinnamon lattes and it was the most wonderfully calming thing. 

Oh I loved this activity. The task here was to create a pictorial autobiography using magazine pictures after you freely dismembered them. My inner child was squealing out of happiness. I went out and bought some magazines and picked up a few I had lying around the house. Another thing I picked uo was this rotary blade with a few different attachments. I felt like I was in Disney moveie and I just had this crazy idea while a cool montage plays with exciting background music.

I decided to use the scalloped edged blade to cut out all my pictures for the fun of it. I collected dreams, hopes, pictures that I found beautiful, reminders, words that resonated with me, anything. 

I gave this collection of images and dreams a place of honour on my desk at home, I look at it every morning ever since and it is the most uplifting thing. 

so vibey, i love it

This chapter turned out to be one of the most transformative ones yet I feel, in its own special way. I hope you enjoyed my thoughts and my journey through this week, and I hope you’ll join me for the next one!