CREATIVE CONTRACTS, CARTOONISH CRITTERS, & COURAGE | THE ARTIST'S WAY: WEEK ONE

"To effect a creative recovery, we must undergo a time of mourning."

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18th July, 2023 - the day I found myself embracing a thrilling new challenge. I bought myself a copy of the The Artist's Way, and promised myself to the 12 week course that the book lays out.

In case you're not familiar, "The Artist's Way" is a captivating and immersive self-help gem penned by the talented Julia Cameron. It's like a creative reset button, guiding you through an intensive process of creative rediscovery. I picked up this book after watching Apple Cheeks share her journey. Inspired and eager, I decided it was time to embark on a similar adventure of my own.

For quite some time now, I've felt this creative block weighing me down. Life seemed to fly by without offering those much-needed moments of respite - from my hectic last few days at uni, to venturing into the world of my freelance work straight away. Traditional breaks just weren't cutting it, I craved something that would ignite the spark of creativity within me again. So, here I am, ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery for the next few weeks - a chance to fix and remix my artistic soul from the ground up.

Here's to hoping that this blog serves as my personal journaling space, where I share my experience and journey with you. The ups and downs, the takeaways, the struggles. All of it. Without giving away too much of the book's process and structure, this is my way of documenting my recovery. so I hope you'll tag along :)

The very first thing I did was sign a "creative contract". Picture this: a playful (but actually very serious) oath to stick with this adventure, regardless of how intense, emotional, difficult, frustrating, exhausting it gets. It may have seemed silly at first, but that contract has become my trusty companion, serving as a delightful reminder of why I took up this artistic challenge in the first place.

The book requests that you write morning pages, the first thing you wake up and do. Its a stream of consciousness writing where you write whatever thoughts come to your head. There are no edits. What's in your head is on the paper.

The second is the weekly solo artist date. You take yourself out on one date every week, and treat yourself to an artistic adventure. As long as it serves your creative soul, it counts.

I've always been a journaler, and it has been therapeutic for me to unload my thoughts and feelings on paper. It is something that has helped my process my emotions and troubles from my days, and I have stuck to it for a long time. But theres just something about doing these morning pages that feels different. I'm pretty much brain vomiting onto the paper all of my thoughts that are passing by. But still somehow, it has helped me organise my mind. And even though I was already a journaler, the structure of morning pages did bring about a change in my mindset.

5 year old Ness would be really proud of me.

We also bought a bunch of journal stickers. Completely letting go of perfectionism, and putting on this child-like charm towards the morning pages. This practice has been so healing for my inner child. I don't really care about if the stickers look aesthetic or not, I'm just having fun.

And buying more stickers.

But oh, the first few days of this wild ride, I must admit, my words were dancing around like a bunch of crazy party animals. It felt incoherent and muddled. But guess what? It didn't take long for them to find their groove and settle into a rhythm.

I started to hold space for my emotions and stand up for myself. In the past I have put myself down about my mistakes, creative or not, may-a-times in my life, but doing this exercise pushed me to stand up in my defence, and in the conversation between me and my journal, I found myself saying, "Its okay. She's learning. And she is capable. She'll make it." (even though that still came after scolding myself a bit sometimes. But its okay. She's learning.)

These morning pages have been my secret weapon against pesky anxiety monsters. I am able to step out of the dynamic and reason with myself - explain to myself that things are okay, and I am capable of dealing with them and I am strong. One of the things that has really helped with that is the practice of affirmations, and the turning of all negative, self-limiting believes into self-assuring mantras.

It felt silly at first, repeating to myself "I am capable". Because I didn't believe it. But as the days went by, I was able show myself proof that I am in fact, very capable. (!!!) I think that is such a powerful thing to discover for yourself. And so important too.

The book made me personify that negative voice in my head. Meet "Killmonga," the silly, ugly monster of my self-limiting thoughts. And dont ask me how I got to that name. I thought of the meanest, scariest name that sounded mean and scary, and this was the first thing that popped in my head. So I'm rolling with it.

Picture him with warts and just one eye because, you know what, he can't see the beauty in things, and zero arms because he hates creating things with his... well... what would've been his hands. "he is stupid", I wrote. This activity was really satisfying to do. Seeing my fears personified, looking like an ugly monster gave me this sort of energy I did not expect. And it makes them seem slightly more easy to deal with.

Alright, now the solo artist date. Boy. This was big for me.

cheesecake & iced tea @ a Starbucks

Venturing out on solo artist dates is a rare occurrence for me, but this week, I decided to break the mould. because the book told me to. Initially, I chose a lovely little spot near my house, planning to sketch while enjoying some pizza. However, soon enough the anxiety crept in, and I ended up at a Starbucks instead. Even there, I felt nervous, constantly worried about what others might be thinking.

At first, I kept my eyes glued to the pages, not daring to look up, or even start sketching. But as time passed, I found my rhythm, gaining confidence and even sneaking peeks at the world around me. Eventually, I mustered the courage to begin, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being judged by others. Using references from a gallery visit a few days ago, I managed to ease into the process, but for sure, doubts lingered.

But you see, despite the fear and self-doubt, I'm proud of taking that first step. My inner child artist applauds me for facing the anxiety and spending time with my sketchbook. Looking back, I realize my skills weren't even as terrible as I thought in the moment. It was an empowering experience, nudging me closer to stepping outside my comfort zone. And let me tell you, my inner child artist is throwing confetti right now.

ran into this random trail on the way to Starbucks. pretty, no?

One of the most powerful exercises I did was the letter to the "editor". This seemed a little difficult to navigate, and after a lot of research I had a template. But let me tell you, i did not stick to it.

You see, I unleashed my inner storytelling genius and wrote in the third person, channeling my higher self - Ness from the future, perhaps. She's woman who has figured it out, and isn't held back by her own thoughts. It was like an epic defence of everything I've been through - the good, the bad, and the hilariously messy. Y'all. I cannot tell you how incredible this letter turned out to be for me.

I didn't try to sugarcoat my mistakes or over-explain them. Instead, I tapped into my courage and requested a bit of softness from the "editor" as they peered into my life's adventures. After all, I've braved some tough times, and a little compassion wouldn't hurt. That was an important thing for me to accept.

Too often I've been too hard on myself, doubting my capabilities and fearing the spotlight, beaten myself over the fact that I'm not at a certain place in life, I haven't achieved something or that I'm not even capable of getting there. I've felt too scared of getting big, taking up space. But writing this letter helped me gain a different perspective, take a stand for younger Ness who wasn't able to do that for herself, for reasons that were out of her control. That it wasn't the path she was meant to take.

And obviously, we went all in and put these lovely letters in the mail. This was in fact, the cherry on top. Postage stamps, letter box, we did it all.

And that was my first week of The Artist's Way. A rollercoaster of emotions for sure. This week showed me the real demons that try to scare my creativity away. It taught me to defend myself. Anxiety may try to play its tricks, but I'm learning to show it who's boss. That's me.

I haven't been with this book to long yet, but its a treasure on my shelf already. I am really excited to see the adventures that await me, the rest of the journey that the lovely Julia Cameron has mapped out for us, and obviously, you are coming along with me.

I'll tell you how week 2 goes! Talk soon okay? You're doing great <3

lots of love, ness

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